Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Untitled
Just downloaded a new Firefox based browser called Flock. It has a built in photo post and blog post, I'm testing the blog post here now.
Sorry Retardo, I have been derelict in my blogging duties for a long time.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
I planted a garden a few weeks ago.
It consists of a rag-tag assortment of vegetables and herbs, with some flowers injected for strategic shade.
I gave the seeds that I planted in the ground motherly attention for about one week before having to leave town for the week following.
It's a good thing that I don't have kids or pets, because that week away was enough to wipe all recollections that I had ever planted a garden out of my mind completely -- until last night, when in my dream I walked in my garden, seeing it look much as it did today when I returned to it to give it water and go radical on some infracting weeds.
This garden isn't the same garden that I planted last year: seeds scattered haphazardly two months too late, with sprouts rearing their heads only to be scorched by the July sun before they could establish themselves, no matter how much water I seemed to give them. I have learned a little since then.
I am coming to appreciate and love the interconnectedness of everything, and the advent of this appreciation has been momentous in my life. The world as I once saw it was clearly dichotomized. On one side of things was ratiocination which held the position of priority, and on the inferior and negligible side were all spiritual and intangible things. But the levee which once perfectly divided my world in half has all but completely eroded. I don't know why it's happening, or whether I could stop this process even if I wanted to, something tells me the answer is no.
Where I was once able to see all things from the perspective of a disinterested third party, I now find myself pulled inexorably into the fracas. I care about things now. Everything. This shift in perspective has not done nothing good for my sense of security but it has been a tremendous godsend to my peace of mind and my sense of identity.
I'm trying to speak poetically about this, but I can't help feeling like a teenager describing his heart-wrenching angst to his parents as the most novel experience ever encountered by mankind.
I submit this as my latest unfinished entry. I'm too distracted by other stuff going on to finish any of these thoughts, and I know I won't come back later to wrap it up...
I took a walk to a river a few miles from my house and it's a roaring with spring melt today. Boulders were rolling under the flow, it was awesome.
I saw the Poseidon adventure last night, and finished reading the Da Vinci Code today. Neither of them made my list of recommendations.
It consists of a rag-tag assortment of vegetables and herbs, with some flowers injected for strategic shade.
I gave the seeds that I planted in the ground motherly attention for about one week before having to leave town for the week following.
It's a good thing that I don't have kids or pets, because that week away was enough to wipe all recollections that I had ever planted a garden out of my mind completely -- until last night, when in my dream I walked in my garden, seeing it look much as it did today when I returned to it to give it water and go radical on some infracting weeds.
This garden isn't the same garden that I planted last year: seeds scattered haphazardly two months too late, with sprouts rearing their heads only to be scorched by the July sun before they could establish themselves, no matter how much water I seemed to give them. I have learned a little since then.
I am coming to appreciate and love the interconnectedness of everything, and the advent of this appreciation has been momentous in my life. The world as I once saw it was clearly dichotomized. On one side of things was ratiocination which held the position of priority, and on the inferior and negligible side were all spiritual and intangible things. But the levee which once perfectly divided my world in half has all but completely eroded. I don't know why it's happening, or whether I could stop this process even if I wanted to, something tells me the answer is no.
Where I was once able to see all things from the perspective of a disinterested third party, I now find myself pulled inexorably into the fracas. I care about things now. Everything. This shift in perspective has not done nothing good for my sense of security but it has been a tremendous godsend to my peace of mind and my sense of identity.
I'm trying to speak poetically about this, but I can't help feeling like a teenager describing his heart-wrenching angst to his parents as the most novel experience ever encountered by mankind.
I submit this as my latest unfinished entry. I'm too distracted by other stuff going on to finish any of these thoughts, and I know I won't come back later to wrap it up...
I took a walk to a river a few miles from my house and it's a roaring with spring melt today. Boulders were rolling under the flow, it was awesome.
I saw the Poseidon adventure last night, and finished reading the Da Vinci Code today. Neither of them made my list of recommendations.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Trust, but verify.
This is a lesson that I have spent the last ten months learning. Which trouble I could have easily saved myself had I been lucid during Reagan's administration, or by having tonight's retrospective conversation with my grandfather a year ago.
The necessity of picking one's battles is a nugget of fact that we seemingly must accept at some point in our lives as we learn to temper our bright eyed optimism with practical realism. The expenditure of 5 hours in protestation of an undeserved $20 parking ticket is hard to justify after your first time through the ringer.
But today it seems we're nickeled and dimed for $5, $10, $50, $100, $1600 a pop, from the least likely of places, by a growing cast of characters eager to shake us down for our money. The cunning are lined up for miles, each waiting for his chance to fleece the unwitting.
My grandparents, who can afford it better than many, were the last month taken for a $200 ride by a less than scrupulous agent of Home Depot who came on a service visit knowing a priori that it would be impossible for him to do the work they requested. And today, they paid Symantec $80 for software that they didn't intend to buy. I don't read the EULAs either, but now according to my grandparents you're agreeing to make monthly payments in perpetuity at the same time you promise not to make illegal copies.
Fool me once shame on you, but I am finding the daily bushwack through the thicket of extortionists and con artists pretty cumbersome. Every legitimate transaction is shrouded by a dozen con jobs. Consider a recent predicament of mine.
Last August my midlife crisis hit prematurely and I bought a fast motorcycle.
Now I know when you're in the woods you watch out for bears and cougars, and when you're in town you watch out for predators of the domestic variety, and I'm a conservative rider, but this cop had it in for me in a bad way. He singled me out from the eddie of traffic I was flowing in, and before I knew it he had written me up for $1600 in tickets, all completely bogus. When I protested, his placid monotonous response was, "Take it up with the judge, this isn't traffic court."
And he dispatched me so as to preset his trap for the next victim.
Personally, I think Symantec's confidence game was thought out a little better than Sandy City's. Knowing that we must pick our battles, they're well aware that 9 out of 10 people that they grift for $80 aren't going to have the wherewithal to pursue civilly, which is ultimately
To Be Continued. . . .
This is a lesson that I have spent the last ten months learning. Which trouble I could have easily saved myself had I been lucid during Reagan's administration, or by having tonight's retrospective conversation with my grandfather a year ago.
The necessity of picking one's battles is a nugget of fact that we seemingly must accept at some point in our lives as we learn to temper our bright eyed optimism with practical realism. The expenditure of 5 hours in protestation of an undeserved $20 parking ticket is hard to justify after your first time through the ringer.
But today it seems we're nickeled and dimed for $5, $10, $50, $100, $1600 a pop, from the least likely of places, by a growing cast of characters eager to shake us down for our money. The cunning are lined up for miles, each waiting for his chance to fleece the unwitting.
My grandparents, who can afford it better than many, were the last month taken for a $200 ride by a less than scrupulous agent of Home Depot who came on a service visit knowing a priori that it would be impossible for him to do the work they requested. And today, they paid Symantec $80 for software that they didn't intend to buy. I don't read the EULAs either, but now according to my grandparents you're agreeing to make monthly payments in perpetuity at the same time you promise not to make illegal copies.
Fool me once shame on you, but I am finding the daily bushwack through the thicket of extortionists and con artists pretty cumbersome. Every legitimate transaction is shrouded by a dozen con jobs. Consider a recent predicament of mine.
Last August my midlife crisis hit prematurely and I bought a fast motorcycle.
Now I know when you're in the woods you watch out for bears and cougars, and when you're in town you watch out for predators of the domestic variety, and I'm a conservative rider, but this cop had it in for me in a bad way. He singled me out from the eddie of traffic I was flowing in, and before I knew it he had written me up for $1600 in tickets, all completely bogus. When I protested, his placid monotonous response was, "Take it up with the judge, this isn't traffic court."
And he dispatched me so as to preset his trap for the next victim.
Personally, I think Symantec's confidence game was thought out a little better than Sandy City's. Knowing that we must pick our battles, they're well aware that 9 out of 10 people that they grift for $80 aren't going to have the wherewithal to pursue civilly, which is ultimately
To Be Continued. . . .
Thursday, May 04, 2006
I am a good boy.
I eat all my vegetables.
I open the door for a woman and defer to my elders.
I pay my taxes unquestioningly.
I color between the lines.
I do what I am told.
I am obedient.
I obey.
I don't have any recollection of ever wanting to hurt anyone, and have gladly lived a mostly oblivious and sedate life. I have watched and listened, and I have done nothing, nor have I spoken -- as if slumbering.
I am a sleeping giant, and my repose has been disturbed.
I have lived and let live, and though I --
I am really, really tired. I have something very important to say, but it will have to wait for another time.
Tonight I took out really a good girl. For years I have honored a personal policy of never doing the same thing on a first date twice. Have I dated hundreds of girls? Maybe. I haven't run out of ideas yet. She let me take her to an archery range. It was my first time to draw a bow since I was 13. The experience wasn't everything I was really hoping it would be, this was a plan B, plan A was to cook her dinner over a campfire if not for rain tonight.
Although I did enjoy it, I will not be taking up a new hobby.
We had dinner, and icecream afterward, and conversation was good. I didn't catch a lot of vibe, but I am going to happily take her out again Saturday.
I think the unspoken Mormon rules of dating say that if everything goes well I might get a sideways hug at night's end.
I want to start making regular additions to this blog again.
Until I do, let me report that for lunch yesterday I had two double cheeseburgers. That's 5 now.
I eat all my vegetables.
I open the door for a woman and defer to my elders.
I pay my taxes unquestioningly.
I color between the lines.
I do what I am told.
I am obedient.
I obey.
I don't have any recollection of ever wanting to hurt anyone, and have gladly lived a mostly oblivious and sedate life. I have watched and listened, and I have done nothing, nor have I spoken -- as if slumbering.
I am a sleeping giant, and my repose has been disturbed.
I have lived and let live, and though I --
I am really, really tired. I have something very important to say, but it will have to wait for another time.
Tonight I took out really a good girl. For years I have honored a personal policy of never doing the same thing on a first date twice. Have I dated hundreds of girls? Maybe. I haven't run out of ideas yet. She let me take her to an archery range. It was my first time to draw a bow since I was 13. The experience wasn't everything I was really hoping it would be, this was a plan B, plan A was to cook her dinner over a campfire if not for rain tonight.
Although I did enjoy it, I will not be taking up a new hobby.
We had dinner, and icecream afterward, and conversation was good. I didn't catch a lot of vibe, but I am going to happily take her out again Saturday.
I think the unspoken Mormon rules of dating say that if everything goes well I might get a sideways hug at night's end.
I want to start making regular additions to this blog again.
Until I do, let me report that for lunch yesterday I had two double cheeseburgers. That's 5 now.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
I think my failures in taking care of my health are not coming from a deficiency in resolve or good intentions, but from my will alone not being enough to keep me exercising and eating right every day in the face of daily tempation and distraction, with no plan in place to guide me or get me back in line once I have missed a step.
It's so easy for me to justify a stop at McDonalds for two double cheeseburgers on my way home from school when I haven't had a single thing to eat all day. It's not at the moment of hunger that I'm going wrong, I have to eat, it's the day before -- when I'm not thinking about my goals, and I'm not planning and preparing my meals for the next day.
The calorie counter predicts that for me to maintain my weight I have to take in almost 4,000 calories each day. I can't say whether I am or not, I have no idea. At a fast food restaurant it's easy to take in a 2,000 calorie meal. Can I do it twice a day? There's no question I can. Do I? I really don't know. It's about 8:00pm right now and I've had four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to eat, about a tablespoon of peanut butter and jam each. That's as good a place for me to begin an analysis as any.
I'm going to put those four sandwiches somewhere between 1600 and 2000 calories. Pretty close to all the energy I need in an entire day, plus it's almost certain that I'll eat another huge meal tonight around midnight. On the side of expenditures, I worked in the yard for a little under three hours today and I chased my nephew for about half an hour. This kind of activity doesn't seem too far from the norm. If I just ate maybe a small snack tonight instead of going overboard, I'd probably be in caloric deficit on the day, let's say by 500 calories. The weight would drop off before I knew it if I did that every day, but if I don't watch myself tonight I'm sure to fall off the wagon. We'll see what happens.
In the meantime, my goal is something like this:
To be conservative, I probably weigh less, but let's say I weigh 260 lbs.
I'm happy with my strength right now, I'd like to maintain my muscle mass and ability to do work, but I think I can slough off a 60 lb sac of fat without suffering even the slightest of deleterious health effects.
Now these numbers are coming straight out of my ass, but that couldn't be worse than an FDA pamphlet. I think I want to lose 60 lbs in six months. There, that's it, that's my goal. I reserve the right to change it if it turns out to be stupid or unrealistic.
I'm getting this from the first link that google shot back at me, but it looks like to shed 60 lbs in six months, I will have to maintain a daily caloric deficit of 1,167 calories. That's just about three double cheeseburgers at McDonalds for those playing at home. Can I do it? Sure, I don't see any reason why not. It sounds hard but I am sufficiently motivated.
To maintain my weight, I need something like 3,718 daily calories. Subtracting 1,167 leaves 2,551. Imagine that, I am SO FAT that to lose weight at a rate some experts consider to be dangerously fast, all I have to do is sit on the couch and eat more than the government recommends a healthy american eats in a day. This will be EASY!
So I have a target. 2,000 to 2,500 calories in per day, and some exercise.
News flash: I just scarfed two snickers bars and a bag of m&ms to the tune of about 750 calories.
This puts me at 2,350 to 2,750 on the day, more than I want to be eating, but this plan is completely omitting any kind of exercise. I expect to do better tomorrow. The menu is going to include some healthy fare including beans, rice, and I plan to stir fry some chicken with vegetables. I'll be shooting for 2,000 calories worth.
So here I go. The journey of 1,000 miles blah blah blah. Wish me luck!
It's so easy for me to justify a stop at McDonalds for two double cheeseburgers on my way home from school when I haven't had a single thing to eat all day. It's not at the moment of hunger that I'm going wrong, I have to eat, it's the day before -- when I'm not thinking about my goals, and I'm not planning and preparing my meals for the next day.
The calorie counter predicts that for me to maintain my weight I have to take in almost 4,000 calories each day. I can't say whether I am or not, I have no idea. At a fast food restaurant it's easy to take in a 2,000 calorie meal. Can I do it twice a day? There's no question I can. Do I? I really don't know. It's about 8:00pm right now and I've had four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to eat, about a tablespoon of peanut butter and jam each. That's as good a place for me to begin an analysis as any.
I'm going to put those four sandwiches somewhere between 1600 and 2000 calories. Pretty close to all the energy I need in an entire day, plus it's almost certain that I'll eat another huge meal tonight around midnight. On the side of expenditures, I worked in the yard for a little under three hours today and I chased my nephew for about half an hour. This kind of activity doesn't seem too far from the norm. If I just ate maybe a small snack tonight instead of going overboard, I'd probably be in caloric deficit on the day, let's say by 500 calories. The weight would drop off before I knew it if I did that every day, but if I don't watch myself tonight I'm sure to fall off the wagon. We'll see what happens.
In the meantime, my goal is something like this:
To be conservative, I probably weigh less, but let's say I weigh 260 lbs.
I'm happy with my strength right now, I'd like to maintain my muscle mass and ability to do work, but I think I can slough off a 60 lb sac of fat without suffering even the slightest of deleterious health effects.
Now these numbers are coming straight out of my ass, but that couldn't be worse than an FDA pamphlet. I think I want to lose 60 lbs in six months. There, that's it, that's my goal. I reserve the right to change it if it turns out to be stupid or unrealistic.
I'm getting this from the first link that google shot back at me, but it looks like to shed 60 lbs in six months, I will have to maintain a daily caloric deficit of 1,167 calories. That's just about three double cheeseburgers at McDonalds for those playing at home. Can I do it? Sure, I don't see any reason why not. It sounds hard but I am sufficiently motivated.
To maintain my weight, I need something like 3,718 daily calories. Subtracting 1,167 leaves 2,551. Imagine that, I am SO FAT that to lose weight at a rate some experts consider to be dangerously fast, all I have to do is sit on the couch and eat more than the government recommends a healthy american eats in a day. This will be EASY!
So I have a target. 2,000 to 2,500 calories in per day, and some exercise.
News flash: I just scarfed two snickers bars and a bag of m&ms to the tune of about 750 calories.
This puts me at 2,350 to 2,750 on the day, more than I want to be eating, but this plan is completely omitting any kind of exercise. I expect to do better tomorrow. The menu is going to include some healthy fare including beans, rice, and I plan to stir fry some chicken with vegetables. I'll be shooting for 2,000 calories worth.
So here I go. The journey of 1,000 miles blah blah blah. Wish me luck!
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Work can wait ten more minutes while I indulge in one more short bout of self-aggrandizing soul-baring. Another thing that I did yesterday is I bought about 30 books from two different used book sales. My book addiction is nearly as severe as my food addiction. Of the thirty, just over twenty would have earned more points on my U.S.A. Patriot Act Dissidence-o-meter. Including another copy of the Federalist Papers with a new annotation, Common Sense by Thomas Paine, and pertinent to an entry from a few days ago, a dover thrift edition of Metamorphosis and Other Stories, by Franz Kafka. I haven't edited any of these posts before publishing them and I'm seeing all kinds of mistakes that I've made in writing them. Please forgive them!
P.S. - This will only be funny if you've read my other posts already, but the guy from yesterday just called me, he had lost the girl's number, and so what else would I do but help him find it in a directory of phone numbers where I realized it could be found? Yep.
P.S. - This will only be funny if you've read my other posts already, but the guy from yesterday just called me, he had lost the girl's number, and so what else would I do but help him find it in a directory of phone numbers where I realized it could be found? Yep.
I suspect that industry now spends in the high tens or hundreds of millions of dollars annually to finance employee blogging. I wish I was being paid right now, I should have a more generous boss.
I'm taking a break from working in my yard right now, where I noticed today that my Bing cherry tree is probably dying. A copious amount of nutrient rich sap is effusing from its trunk and I think this can only be an signal that the tree is coming to the end of its life. It is older than I am, probably 30 years old, and I spent hundreds of happy hours in my youth climbing in its branches and picking its fruit. If you are reading this, but haven't read The Giving Tree, by Shel Silverstein, then you should read it. If I had a list of top 100 favorite books this one would be on it. If you want to read it but don't have it you can borrow a copy from me or the library, or if you're resourceful I'm sure you can find it online to read, I'm sure Shel wouldn't have minded. The book comes after a song on "Singin' in the Kitchen" of the same name.
I was having lunch yesterday and I met a guy and a girl. The guy was a good guy, and we became friends pretty quickly. After we had talked for about ten minutes or so, one of the most beautiful young women I can remember ever seeing came to eat at a table nearby ours. We decided it would be a shame if at least one of us didn't ask her to join him on a date, and so invited her to come talk with us for a while. In five minutes time the young man hadn't shown any indication he was going to make any advances, and so did I ask her out? You had better believe it. I explained that my new friend was shy but thought she was very cute and I explained that I thought it would be appropriate if they went on a date. I left them as they were exchanging phone numbers. This has to be one of the most pathologically self-destructive things I have done to myself this week. In my defense, I suspect she was well out of my league, but I didn't do myself any favors by forfeiting before the game had even begun.
The end of the semester is coming soon. I am ready for it.
The name that I chose for this blog reflects my shameful uncontrolled eating behavior. Last night night I was with my good friend and had an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet for dinner. I was ashamed for doing it as I know it isn't good for me, but I didn't bother even trying to stop myself this time. If you asked me why I couldn't tell you; to punish myself maybe for some unforgivable past misdeed. What I know is that I ate pizza until there was no more room for grease in my body, at which point it started to seep through the pores in the skin of my face and hands. I hate myself when I do it, and even more after it's done. Each time I hope if I abuse myself severely enough I will quench the urge to do it ever again, but something tells me that as much as I hope otherwise, this will not be the last time. The double cheeseburger count remains however, at three. This blog has seen me three double cheeseburgers closer to my demise.
I have to get back to work.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
I engendered the wrath of the city prosecutor yesterday by making him look like a flaming giant tool in court. This morning there was a police officer at the bottom of my street waiting in presumption to pick me up for driving on a suspended license. Sorry to disappoint, officer, come back and try again tomorrow.
For a man living in such a Kafka-esque world, maybe it's ironic that I haven't read any of the man's work. Note to self, when you return all those CDs to the library, pick something up.
I was combing my hair this morning, which was being unruly as always, and there was a single lock which would not be moved into place no matter what I did to it. My solution was simply to cut it off. Hey, if it works. . .
Practicing for a classical guitar duet with John next week.
Listening to E=MO^2 tonight before bed. Good night world.
For a man living in such a Kafka-esque world, maybe it's ironic that I haven't read any of the man's work. Note to self, when you return all those CDs to the library, pick something up.
I was combing my hair this morning, which was being unruly as always, and there was a single lock which would not be moved into place no matter what I did to it. My solution was simply to cut it off. Hey, if it works. . .
Practicing for a classical guitar duet with John next week.
Listening to E=MO^2 tonight before bed. Good night world.
